Last week was full of reflection, change, learning, listening, and finding ways to take meaningful action. I’ve worked hard to build my platform and because of that, I have the privilege to help others and the responsibility to speak up. I admit I am scared to post this, however, fear of saying the wrong thing is not a reason to be silent.
I’ve always prided myself on being a “good person.” Someone that does the right thing, who genuinely cares, and always acts with the best of intentions. However, last week showed me that it is not enough to just be “good,” but rather that mindset contributes to the issue at hand. I have not been acknowledging racism through the critical lens that it deserves to be seen through which makes me part of the problem. It breaks my heart that a murder had to be witnessed by the world for our system to begin to heal. This week I dove deeper into past issues with my identity and how to find a balance between my own experiences with racism as an Asian American and trying to understand how these may differ from those in the Black community. This allowed me to acknowledge how my experience as an Asian American woman has contributed to the problem of racism that must be challenged today. It has been very uncomfortable but I realize that for our society to heal and move forward this has to be done by every single one of us.
I was adopted from Hunan Province in Southern China and raised in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Both my parents are White and essentially raised me to be White. I do not fault them for this in the slightest. Throughout high school, I struggled with my identity as I never completely felt one race or another. I knew to the outside world I looked Asian, but I also knew what kind of culture I had been brought up in. At the time, I felt so much pressure from society to choose one identity. I didn’t realize back then that by choosing my White upbringing, it didn’t mean I had to neglect my Asian heritage. I struggled with this for a while, but as I grew up and went to college, I gained a sense of confidence and I no longer saw my identity issues to be at the forefront of my problems.
It wasn’t until April of this year, that I had a huge wakeup call. This was around the time that COVID-19 began to rapidly affect the lives of many and it became coined by our very own president the “Asian Virus.” I think back to the small amounts of racism I experienced then. Traveling through the airport and being terrified, being scared to go to the grocery store, or simply just walking down the street. It was heartbreaking and I began to feel a sense of guilt that I had never felt before. I felt so ashamed that for so long I knew people in the Black community were experiencing this every single day, and it took me experiencing a sliver of it to begin to acknowledge their struggle.
From what I’ve read, I think this feeling may resonate with what many Asian Americans in our society feel as they are being asked to think critically about racism. As a model minority, we have been taught to assimilate to White culture to not upset or disturb the given order. When COVID-19 spread, it was the first time I truly had to self-reflect on the identity I had shaped for myself and how my proximity to White privilege has benefited me most of my life.
There are no accurate words to describe the feeling I felt when watching the video of George Floyd’s murder. I was disgusted, appalled, confused, and ultimately ashamed that it took me seeing a video to internalize the magnitude of the situation. This is nothing new in the Black community. Overnight, the anger, hatred, and desire for change were felt by the entire world. I remember opening up my phone and seeing the outpour of news, resources, and stories of individuals sharing their personal experiences and opinions. I didn’t know where to look and I felt scared because the feelings I had felt a few months prior were resurfacing. I didn’t want to have to revisit the discomfort I felt surrounding my identity.
This past week I’ve been sifting through the immense amount of resources and outlets that have been presented to me. At first, I struggled because I saw all of these posts targeting White people and I couldn’t figure out how it applied to me even though that’s what I felt I identified with. This encouraged me to dive deeper and explore how the Asian population has become a model minority and to acknowledge how we’ve been complacent in the oppression of our Black brothers and sisters.
The point of this post isn’t to let my personal experience overshadow those of the Black community, but rather share my experience in identifying how I can make a lasting change. It’s important that we acknowledge that everyone has their own experience and comes from a different background. I am grief-stricken by the murder of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and all those who have lost their lives before this. I am even more devastated that it took this long for our world, myself included, to speak up and use our privilege for good. I realize that it’s a privilege for me to even say that I can use my privilege. I do not want this movement to be a trend, but rather something that sparks conversation and gains REAL momentum. This is so much more than a few posts on social media. Going forward I will continue to educate not only myself but my friends, family, and followers. It is our duty to speak up and use our voices for something we believe in. I will continue to read, listen, watch, converse, and donate, in an effort to continue to become a better ally. I want to be able to speak up about racism, to address racist microaggressions, and challenge systemic racism no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I want to challenge these things in my daily life from the brands I support to the conversations I have with my peers. This is just the beginning of a lifelong commitment.
Below are a few resources that I’ve found incredibly useful in educating myself, as well as links to places to donate.
Collaborative List of Resources created by Tony Camme
ANTI-RACISM AND THE REVOLUTIONARY MOMENT
Donate:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
https://www.gofundme.com/f/9v4q2-justice-for-breonna-taylor
https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/
Petitions to sign:
https://www.change.org/p/us-senate-hands-up-act
https://www.change.org/p/andy-beshear-justice-for-breonna-taylor
https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd/psf/promote_or_share
https://blacklivesmatter.com/defundthepolice/
The image above was created by Ty French
